Journal

Moving…

I finally dropped my old web host (for a multitude of reasons) and, after a long delay, was able to get my domain back. Please be patient as I move the old site to it’s “new” home. I am also moving the blog (journal) as well to make it easier to access and much more …
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18 years…

Today marks the anniversary of the day I chose life over [that man mom had me with] – abandoning my dreams in order to leave the pain behind. I know it’s not a big deal to most people, but my mom and I celebrate this day each year.  Why?  Because it is the day that …
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Hiding myself…

I had a dream last night that reminded me of my greatest struggle in life – to be the person I am inside. That sounds a little insane, I know, but it is true.  There is a part of me that no one sees.  People have seen it before, my friends have all experienced it at …
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Sharing – Part 2…

Originally, my previous blog was set to “Friends” because I was feeling that old familiar fear of loss setting in.  After reading posts from several of you, I decided to let go of some of the anxiety and go public with it. In the past week, I have really been thinking more about my journey …
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Sharing…

Sharing….it is something that I have always been afraid to do.  Why?  Because the truth comes out when share, and once it’s out there, you can’t take it back anymore. If you have not already noticed, I am very excited to be featured on The Survivor Archives this week (BTW – Thanks to the Joanna & Kristin for …
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The system…

People say “the system” is flawed when they talk about social services.  They say that social workers ignore abuse because they are sloppy, and lazy and don’t want to make an effort to do something about it.  They ask the question, why report child abuse when nothing is going to be done about it anyway? In recent days, I …
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I believe…

Each and every day I choose to believe.  It is what keeps me going – it is my salvation.  Believing brings me hope and helps me to breathe again.  What I believe is not as important as the fact that I do.  Without belief – there is no hope, without hope – there is no joy, without …
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Apologies…

One week, and all is quite.  [That man] has not replied to my e-mail, which means he is either angry, did not receive it, or he refused to read beyond the first line.  There was a time, when no response would have left me waiting on pins and needles, wondering if I was a terrible …
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A note to [that man]

Ok, I don’t have a copy of my letter to [that man my mother had me with], but here is the basic gist of what I said (please forgive me if it doesn’t completely make sense because it is very late….): I really don’t know what to say except that I appreciate your apology.  I …
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Seething…

Ok, the more I think about all of this, the angrier I become.  When my [that man] sent that message, he was expecting me to just say, “Oh, ok.  I understand now that abuse is love, and it’s ok because you were trying to keep me from being f***ed up when I got older.”  Well, …
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