Stages in the Healing Process for Abused Persons

Note: The following brief outline is based on the book, Beyond Victim by Martha Baldwin (Rainbow Books, Moore Haven, Florida, 1988).  Although her focus is on the person who has experienced incest/sexual abuse, the stages she suggest in the healing process are also applicable to the recovery process from many kinds of abuse.

Each stage is a process and overlaps other stages.  They may not be experienced in a linear manner but it is essential that the abused individual move through each stage on his/her way to healing and transformation.

Stage 1.  Recognition: Owning and Remembering

In this stage the abused consciously admits to himself/herself that he/she was abused.  The process of remembering, rather than denying or doubting, begins.  The internal process of admitting the previously unadmitable begins and prepares the person for the following stages.

Stage 2.  Beyond Denial: Releasing Rage and Sorrow

Once a person abandons the denial process he/she has to face his/her sorrow and rage about what happened.  This involves getting in touch with the painful feelings of hurt, helplessness, sadness, and anger one experienced as a victim of abuse.  Expressing these buried feelings of rage, shame, sadness, guilt, fear, isolation, and differentness is a necessary part of the healing process.  Only as one does this is he/she in a position to move on to the next stage in the healing process.

Stage 3.  Mastering the Fundamentals (Changing Your Mind About Yourself)

The focus of this stage is to create a healthy reality for the person in the present.  One must learn to be accepting and nurturing of the abused self within and be willing to love that part of one’s self.  As the abused inner self experiences acceptance and love the person can begin to change his/her self-image and transform the inner abused self into a nurturing and enabling self.  He/She can also begin to understand and change destructive patterns of relating to others, including those who abused him/her.

Stage 4.  Forgiveness and Confrontation **

In this stage the abused understands the need for confrontation and forgiveness of the abuser.  He/She realizes the negative emotional bond that can only be broken by his/her taking responsibility for keeping the secret.  He/She moves toward freeing himself/herself by confronting the abuser and forgiving both the abuser and anyone else (including one’s self) who directly or indirectly assisted in the abuse.

Stage 5.  Transformation

In this stage the abused continues to change the way he/she views himself/herself and takes responsibility for how he/she deals with his/her past experiences of abuse.  He/She also continues to transform the painful experiences of the past into memories that can provide insight and assistance in living out his/her life in the present and future.

Prepared by:  Otis L. Andrews
2/16/89

** Please keep in mind that in Stage 4 – Confrontation may not always be possible or the most healthy choice for some survivors (as with myself).  In such a case, the goal of this stage would be to learn to release negative emotions and allow the responsibility for those emotions and the abuse to lie upon the abuser.